Category: Uncategorized

Last night my husband and I were discussing what it meant to interpret and polish a piece of music. As a non-musician, he didn’t understand why one couldn’t achieve perfection by playing a score accurately. Doesn’t the score have detailed instructions from the composer — notes, dynamics, tempo, all those funny symbols? If two musicians are following the same instructions, why would their performances be different?

I struggled to explain the nuances of musicality, but I finally came up with the right analogy. If Morgan Freeman and I read the same story, the content will be identical. We’ll observe the words and punctuation in the same sequence. However, Morgan Freeman’s narration will be different from mine because of the way he emphasizes certain words and syllables, the pacing of his speech, and the inflection from his emotions. We can both deliver 100% accurate readings with very different results.

“That’s a good analogy,” my husband said. “You should blog about it.”

I usually hand my pianist:
a) Double-sided copies, three-hole punched in a black binder.
b) Single-sided copies, maybe a little faded.
c) A copy in the wrong key. It’s not hard to transpose, right?

The last bass line on the page is:
a) Fully legible in all its harmonic glory.
b) Missing some low notes that got cut off.
c) My pianist should be able to improvise the bass line, dammit.

I give my pianist her part:
a) As soon as I start working on a piece.
b) Three to four weeks before the performance.
c) The day before, if she’s lucky. Don’t I pay her to sight read?

Last time I needed my pianist to sight read contemporary music, I:
a) Would never do such a thing!
b) Apologized profusely and thanked her for trying.
c) Asked what was with all the wrong notes.

I typically indicate my desired tempo by:
a) Singing/playing a few bars.
b) Humming somewhat halfheartedly.
c) Snapping my fingers with no resemblance to the actual tempo.

If I can’t make a rehearsal, I:
a) Email, call, text, and send smoke signals at least 24 hours in advance.
b) Send a last-minute email and pay the pianist’s fee.
c) Don’t show up and pretend it never happened.

And now for the results…

If your answers are mostly a’s:
You’re a saint. Your pianist thanks you for being a wonderful colleague and hopefully rewards your efforts with extra preparation, flexibility, and musicality.

If your answers are mostly b’s:
You’re a typical musician. You might be too busy to take the extra step or two, but you’re generally pleasant to work with.

If your answers are mostly c’s:
Leave your name and number. I’m calling the Accompanist Abuse Hotline.